Ouch. Yesterday, I auditioned for Stark Raving's spring show, "The Mark," a world premiere by Gretchen Icenogle. I read quite well (maybe a little 'flat'--or small--and if so, it's because I just finished doing some film work, which is calibrated differently than theater) and the auditors--the director, Mark Zrebski, and playwright, Gretchen Icenogle--showed visible and audible signs of thinking well of my work. So, I thought I had a strong shot at the role of a liberal, patriarchal politician, who's career is ruined by a sexual affair with a minor (remind anyone of Neil Goldschmidt?)
Well, balls. I didn't get it, and I'm more disappointed than I thought I'd be, sinced I've already been offered another, good part in Northwest Classical Theater Company's upcoming production of "In the Matter of J. Robert Oppenheimer," the director of which, Fred Walton, I like personally and professionally.
The script of "The Mark" is good, first of all. It's smart, well-written, and has sentences that I enjoyed saying, no small thing, to me. Working with not only a seasoned director but also with the author of the piece was enormously attractive, too. Not to mention, it was a good, chunky lead part, also no small thing.
Because I was so enthusiastic about this role and thought (still think) I read well, I've been feeling a bit of vertigo, and went through a mini-grief cycle--shock, denial, anger, bargaining, acceptance--all in the duration of the two hours it took me to get to sleep last night. The grief is obvious. The vertigo comes out of the disconnect between my self-assessment of my audition performance and not getting the role. Did I in fact suck? Or, am I correct that this was one of my best auditions, but there were all the usual, innumberable factors in choosing a cast that led to them choosing another actor? In my heart, I know it's the later. But, self-doubt makes my head spin.
Ah, well. The audition itself was fun, at the very least. A clean, well-lighted five minutes. I can't--shouldn't--ask for more than that.
Especially since next week I have something even more fun to do: I'm flying to NYC, to spend a week with a woman I've been getting to know, and like a lot. It's a nice change of pace and puts everything else in perspective.