Have you noticed the 'downward' trend of my last few posts? My annual Oct./Nov. period of hypomania is giving way to my annual Nov./Dec. period of straight-up depression. Things are getting tough. Signs of trouble are: more frequent anxiety attacks, either free-floating or associated with a specific event or fear; irritation with others (especially while driving); and increasing fixation on self-doubt.
I'm managing all of this more effectively than in the past by not isolating myself as much, exercising regularly, eating properly, and keeping my attention on the immediate details of tasks before me. But, my ability to focus is fraying. Self-hatred is lapping at my sense of self like an incoming tide curling slowly up my shins. These next six weeks are going to be tough.
Paradoxically, what remains true is that I have nothing concrete to complain about. To describe myself as "unhappy" may or may not be false, but it would still be ungrateful.
Man, oh man.