At one point in rehearsal last night I thought that Rob and I were going to come to blows. We were enraged at one another. Fortunately, Rob channeled his energy directly back into the scene--from which we'd popped out--and we continued our run through rather than pummel one another. Why such fury? This scene is not what we want it to be. It's not once come up to the level it's reached when we've been in rehearsal with an acting coach who prompts, cajoles and pushes us into using our imagination to make discoveries that we should be making on our own. I think this is one sign of a mediocre--or perhaps lazy--actor: being unable to do the work for HIMSELF, at some point. Anyone can be coached into giving a full-on, truthful performance in any given rehearsal. It takes talent to bring that energy and truth forward to the NEXT rehearsal or performance (I've come to be a believer in the idea of "talent." It is a mutable quality, for sure, but it's real, a quality that one can have more or less of.)
Our performance today--the last day of the workshop--will not completely suck because I won't let it. I haven't a clue as to what Rob will finally bring to the performance, but I'm coming on full energy, channelling all emotion--anger included--through my intense love for Romeo and objective to save the boy's life by saving him from himself. I will talk to myself. Also, I will keep the text up to speed, not letting fall those deadly pauses--little felt mallots--that muffle energy and rob us of connection. Whatever Rob does--whatever--I'm doing this, while working off of him as fully as possible.
On the last day of the workshop, I'm feeling less neurotic than the first day. I'm also feeling more sure of myself as an actor--despite the above harange--but I'm painfully aware of how much further I've still to go. It's all process. All. The final product will always be no more than that foamy little tip at the top of a breaking wave. The work itself will always be the wave, deep, roiling, unescapable, thrilling, and terrifying....
Wow. This One-month Intensive has been intensive for the ENTIRE month, not letting up at all, not on the first or final day. What a ride it's been.