Sunday, June 18, 2006

A Little Shame Spiral, But Just A Little One

Some points of frustration:

• A friend who saw the show last night told me that I needed to "breathe more," and that I "looked nervous and stiff," especially in my scenes as Seward (I'm dropping the limp I've given Seward--it's taking me out of the moment.) I know she's right, but I wanted to believe that these habits had abated enough to become private matters, unnoticable to the audience. Denial is a wonderful tool, sometimes.

• I know how I want Banquo to be but I'm not 'doing what I want,' with him. In my first scene with Macbeth and the witches, I'm coming off more vain glorious and pissed off rather than as Macbeth's expansive buddy, and in later scenes, I'm too formal. One cause of this is that I'm still a little thrown by having to yell my lines, but also, I'm just nervous, still (I'm confident that I'll get Banquo to be far more chummy, next weekend.)

• Partying with the cast after the show, having spun out a little into a small 'shame spiral'--which is reflected by the above comments--I found myself grow shy and quiet, enough to be noticed--for others to be worried if I were feeling okay--and so I had to get out of there fairly early. Jeesh. I'm such a 'bipolar' kind of guy. Mr. Expressive and fun one moment, shy and inarticulate, the next; with non-theater people, the life of the party; with theater people, an awkward wall flower. Bah. Humbug.

Anyways. Nothing to burn my house down over. After all, my social calendar is full enough these days that I'm less prone to obsess over these dingy and trivial complaints. But, I gotta be me, which means Mr. Grumpy, on occasion.


p.s. One more point about last night: The vocal work is paying off! I'm vocally loud and clear, for which the audience seems to be grateful. I know I am.

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