Monday, July 17, 2006

Deadly Ruth

I am a good man. But, I wish I'd been a prick, dining on other people's entrails, living pornographically, ruthlessly, with unleashed energies that I fear have otherwise grown stale.

And that's the problem, for 'wishing' itself confesses weakness, a tendency to fantasy rather than action.

And that's the problem with my acting, which remains full of 'wishing,' and ruth, and asks my audience to make allowances. I have to stop that. I'm tamping down the rage that fuels me, so that I can't get to the truer emotions on the other side of rage, and when I can't get to them, lets me flip too easily INTO the very rage--on stage--that I'm keeping stopped up. Tamping down rage leads to rage. Not tamping down rage leads to unblocking the flow to all emotions. In emotion is action.

In my acting, good is deadly.

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