I came in with a so-so audition, which ultimately is not good enough, but I can accept it because there was a lot about it that shows me that I'm heading in the right direction. I think that my work until quite recently has been largely about--no, hugely about--just cutting through layers of fear, neuroses, self-doubt, and artifacts of surface personality that don't have much to do with the 'real' me. But, now, I think my work is finally beginning to be more about... well, the work, rather than about clearing the ground in order to make the work possible.
My notes on my audition:
1) I'm physically way more comfortable and relaxed than I used to be. I used the stage reasonably well;
2) My vocal quality is attractive, though I wasn't fully on voice;
3) My Shakespeare was not distractingly bad; my Mamet continues to be flat (in audition! It rocks in rehearsal);
4) My pieces were way too generalized; the specificity that I achieve in the rehearsal room has yet to make it into the PATA audition;
5) Despite being too general, to the trained eye my audition showed an actor who is directable;
6) Dude--I LOOKED good. I dressed in slim trousers and shirt to show off my newly-slimmed and buffed figure, and I could see it register, which is worth something, yah?
So, my self-prescription is this: trust the physical and vocal work I have been doing--keep it up, without stressing out over it--and bring even more steady, but still gentle focus to getting through the internal tension--the actor fear--that keeps my work from flying. I don't need to push myself to learn more skills as much as I need to settle into those I now have (to repeat the the message that my current teachers are already giving me,) learn to trust, and let go of correctitude, which is death to performance.