Things have been picking up. I booked my first well-paid print job (oh, if one could book a couple of these a month!), had a strong callback last week for the principle in a sales video for a national company (a gig I'd love to get, so I might get more calls for these kind of 'spokes model' jobs; I'm good with a teleprompter and direct address plays to my strengths), and tonight I have a callback for Northwest Childrens Theater R&J (I'm reading for Capulet, though would love to get Friar Lawrence.)
I'm also getting a head of steam up for my winter auditions for MFA programs and regional festivals. Most helpful, at the moment, is my work on 'emotional access' with Michael Mendelson. He's helping me turn the emotional soil.
Also, we finished the first weekend of TWELFTH NIGHT at Slocum House. The show is fun, light-hearted. I must say that the playful attitude of a straight-up community theater is refreshing, even if my taste for more focused work will lead me to work more exclusively in more professional productions, from here on out. I'm reasonably happy with my work in this show. My scenes with Viola are strong. My weakest bit is the opening monologue, to which I have trouble connecting. It doesn't help that there is no live musician to whom I'm talking on stage and one important sound cue--as called for by the script--has been ignored by the director, so that I feel as if I'm 'pretending,' rather than simply 'acting.' Frustrating, but an instructive experience. This production definitely shows me where I am as an actor: to borrow Michael Mendelson's analysis of my current skill level, I'm working strongly enough not to have to take any role that comes along, but not so strongly that I can afford to try directing myself as well as acting. In other words, I'm ready for real direction, but need it, too.
One more thing: I'm currently enjoying a hiatus from the intense and intimate relationship between me and self-hatred that I've been in all my adult life. About a month ago, I was thinking about my upcoming MFA auditions, and how much I want to do an MFA, and suddenly, the coin dropped. To do well in these auditions, I have one job and one job only: show up, by which I mean, be fully present. That is only possible if I give up the self-hatred that only now have I come to realize has been a defence against pain (rather than being the pain itself.) As a practical matter, I can't afford to indulge self pity and anger at myself. So, at least for the moment, I've given them up.... When I don't get any offers in February, I might invite self-hatred out for a date, again. But until then, I'm not returning its calls.
And remarkably, I've been finding this EASY to do. What a relief. How lovely.