Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Ready to Work

I believe that I'm a more skilled actor than I was two years ago, but I cannot be sure of that, because my aspirations rise all the while my skills supposedly rise so that the distance between skills and aspirations remain relatively constant.  However, I am more ready for the profession than I was two years ago.  Strike that.  Two years ago, I hoped to be ready for the profession, now I'm of it.  No way on God's Green Earth would anyone have trusted me with Malvolio, before training, or offered me a lead role in an Off-off Broadway production (which you'll hear more about if all goes well).  What used to be bits of theory are now tools in my kit bag--some of them I use well, some of them I still need much practice with, but they're in there.   

Also, frankly, I'm more mature, after training.  Although I only got to it late in life, I have nonetheless finally worked through a rite of passage I always knew I needed to undergo:  testing my self through a productive discipline (and, I admit it, earning what I perceive to be the imprimatur of some authority in the field).  I'm more of a grown-up now, no more talented nor wiser than before, but done with juvenile rites left too long uncompleted.  A lot of anger that once served me as I coped with the frustration I felt at leaving something important incomplete I can now leave behind.  My days of rebellion (against what I knew not) are now past.

It's time to work.